


More Than My Thoughts

by RichmanBachard



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Introspection, Slight body appreciation, doubts, shiro appreciation, shower scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15423870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichmanBachard/pseuds/RichmanBachard
Summary: Shiro tries to enjoy a moment to himself.





	More Than My Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Feels good to write from a more personal place, about anxiety and fears. Shiro has gone through so much - and he’s still standing, despite it all. I love and respect this boi.
> 
> (This moment could, canonically, happen at almost any point throughout the show.)

As the heat pummeled at his back, a satisfied groan escaped his lips. Placing a palm against the steam drenched glass, it served as a temporary barrier between him and the outside world. In there, he felt safe, serene. A touch of security to put him at ease, a hot shower to melt away all the sweat and frustration. Stepping back, he popped his neck and reached for a bottle of gel. Applying some, he lathered his toned figure. It was time to get clean. Warm water was a commodity aboard a spaceship – and he made sure to never waste a vital resource. But Shiro wanted to enjoy himself. The need to relax remained at the forefront of his mind. Solitude – however brief, however fleeting – was necessary. No worry, no fear.

 

For now.

 

He scrubbed away, going through the motions. Cleaning the physique he worked hard to achieve, his mind elsewhere – a calm place. 

 

_What if I fail them?_

 

He quietly gasped. A crack – a tiny sliver of damage started to chip away at his serenity. He ignored the sudden intrusion, the anxiety. 

 

_I…I will fail them – in time, won’t I? Betray them, abandon them, **hurt** them._

 

He gritted his teeth, scrubbing harder. 

 

_I can’t do this, I should...I should step aside. To let the team grow. But I don’t.. **No.** I don’t. I want to be a paladin for as long as possible. But what if I can’t be? I don’t know how much more time I have. What…what if I.. ___

__

__His brows furrowed, a frustrated sigh soon followed._ _

__

___How could he call myself a leader when he was so...anxious, like this? He felt so tired, so frustrated. Was he indecisive? Did the team think that? It made him feel uneasy, panicked. Was he a detriment to them? Was he.. Shiro couldn’t say for sure whether he really felt like himself. What if there was a moment in time where they needed him - and he wasn’t there?_ _ _

__

__His mind was filled with fragments of the past, of his mistakes and fears – with the uncertainty of the future weighing heavily on his process of thought. His grime having been washed away, he stood there, lost, worried. Eyes closed, hands against the wall, he remained there for what felt like hours._ _

__

___The witch had him wrapped around her little finger. Was he truly…free? The warriors he killed, the loved ones he’s hurt. Was he really a good leader? A good person? Someone to look up to?_ _ _

__

___What if he wasn’t?_ _ _

__

___What if.._ _ _

__

__The anxiety hit a fever pitch, swarming his mind until, finally, he stopped everything. And focused solely on his breathing. Slow, deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Just like he practiced. Soon, as he shut the shower off, the anxiety began to diminish. For now._ _

__

__Stepping out to fetch his towel, he started drying off. Bringing the towel overhead, he brought it down his face – and looked at himself in the mirror. In his reflection, he saw a thousand things: a paladin, a leader, a warrior, a survivor. Good and bad, his experiences were his – and his alone. Not only was he still needed, by the others, but he desired to be there. There was nothing more fulfilling to him than being a paladin._ _

__

__He had a job to do. He was going to lead his team to the best of his abilities, no matter what._ _

__

__No matter what._ _

**Author's Note:**

> How good was season six?! And with season seven not far off, we won’t have to wait very long. ;-)


End file.
